How to Survive Long Distance

Everyone says that long distance never works, but in the past six months, I've learned that's only true if you aren't willing or prepared to put in the work. I'm going to be honest, when my boyfriend and I first started doing long distance, I was worried it was going to mean the end of us. I won't lie, it's been incredibly difficult, but it's also been the best thing for us.

Over the last six months, we've learned how to communicate better than we ever had before. We've had to learn to talk through things that frustrated us, we've had to be really good about saying what we needed, and we've constantly, and consciously, communicated our support for one another. Here's a list of things we've done to make the being away more bearable:

• Open When Letters: Before we both left for college, I made him a set of open when letters. (I think I made like 52 in total haha). Not only did he love it, but it brought me some comfort, knowing that even if I couldn't be there for everything he was experiencing, I'd left him with something to hold onto. I've rounded up some of my favorite prompts/open when letter designs and made another post out of them. Go check it out under the "Relationships" tab.

• Having a regular time to call: For us, it wasn't realistic to have a set calling schedule like "every day at 6PM" or "call on Sundays". We knew that we were both busy and sometimes things came up. We didn't want to feel disappointed or like we had to wait to call until we were supposed to. Instead, we started a tradition of calling every night before we went to sleep, no matter how late, or if it could only be a two minute call. Even on nights I go to bed earlier than he does, he still calls when he gets in bed. It's nice to know we'll always go to bed together, even when he's far away.

• Be honest about how you're feeling: Whether you're having a really good day, or having a really bad day it's super important to communicate with them. You need to be able to talk about why you're having a bad day, or what's going on, because otherwise you're constantly going to be in a guessing game. Even if it's as simple as "Hey, I'm sorry if I'm grumpy today, I just woke up on the wrong side of the bed this morning.", it goes a LONG way. For us, it was hard not to be able to look at each other and gauge what's going on. We can't offer a hug or a kiss to make things better. We had to really explaining where we were at and listening to each other.

• Know you're going to be jealous at times, and know it's okay to feel that way: When we were in the same state and dating, I used to think that jealousy only ever existed in the context of worrying they like someone else or someone else likes them. In a long distance relationship, it can take a lot of forms. For me, the biggest one was how easy things seemed to be for him. My boyfriend is an amazing person who makes friends really easily. Plus, he's at a school with tons of traditions to make everyone feel connected. As a generally introverted person at a small school, I was jealous of how easy the transition to college was for him compared to how it felt for me. What helped me was to ask myself what's causing the jealousy and then rephrase it as a positive thing whenever I'd find myself experience it again. For example, every time I felt jealous about him getting so involved so easily, I'd say things aloud to myself like "it's really great that he's able to feel like a part of something" or "his being so involved means he has a lot of stories to tell me every time we get on the phone."

• Little things matter: I think the temptation when you're going through something so big like being away from each other so often is to think that you have to make these grand romantic gestures to compensate. That's completely false. The little things mean the most, especially when they're done frequently. A random "hey I'm thinking about you" text in the middle of the morning can make all the difference. The most important thing is to let them know, and feel, that they're a part of your life, every single day, no matter how far away you are.

These are just a few of the things that worked for me! Of course long distance is hard, but it can be so worth it.